Calvinists in the moonlight

This ditty was inspired by this post at Calvinistic Cartoons.  The tune is Moonlight in Vermont written by John Blackburn and Karl Susseldorf.  The original is sung by the incomparable Ella Fitzgerald.


Edwards on the shelf
Spurgeon magnet on your fridge
Cage-stage Calvinist

Monergism Tee
Tulip tattooed on your arm
Cage-stage Calvinist

Throw out old books that don't teach election
To make room for dead puritans
Get into fights over predestination
And pull out your new favorite book that's...

Calvin's Institutes
Bench press with your ESV
Cage-stage Calvinist

In Honor of May 21, 2011

I haven't had much time to write any silly songs. However, inspiration struck this evening to the tune of Love and Marriage.




Harold Camping, Harold Camping
Better check your math, cause nothin's happ'ning
Time to stop your preaching
Misleading folks with your false teaching


Harold Camping, Harold Camping
You should stick to civil engineering
Just put down your slide rule
Or you may look an even worse fool

Crunch, crunch, crunching all those numbers
Oh how impressive
But if Jesus doesn't know this,
Is--n't that presumptuous?


Harold Camping, Harold Camping,
Better check your math, cause nothin's happ'ning
Please don't dig your heels in
It's time to think 
Don't make a stink
It's time to think about repentin'

Give me a P

This is a little song on perseverance of the saints to the tune, Oklahoma, from the Rogers and Hammerstein musical.  The words don't include the little preamble in the song. Perhaps one day I'll add that part as well.

Perseverance of the saints encourages my heart

You can read the verse within God's word

That He finishes which He did start

Perseverance, not contingent on my will or pow'r

But on God's decrees, Christ intercedes,

And the Spirit's working every hour

By faith we have been justified

And one day we shall be glorified

Our hope is stayed 

Upon this pilgrim way

So take heart that our

God will keep us persevering

Perseverance by grace!

Perseverance of the saints encourages my heart

You can read the verse within God's word

That He finishes which He did start

Perseverance, not contingent on my will or pow'r

But on God's decrees, Christ intercedes,

And the Spirit's working every hour

By faith we have been justified

And one day we shall be glorified

Our hope is stayed

Upon this pilgrim way

So take heart that our

God will keep us persevering

Perseverance by grace!

By faith we have been justified

And one day we shall be glorified

Our hope is stayed

Upon this pilgrim way

So take heart that our

God will keep us persevering

Perseverance by grace!

Through faith! In Christ alone!

Perseverance!

A musical tribute to...

Here is a musical book review of Against Calvinism by Jeff Peterson, Eddie Eddings, and Jon Cardwell.

It's the recent book that's been published

Liked by Jakob Harmenszoon,

With ironic wit and dry humor that's

Sure to bring a smile or two.

Eddings, Peterson, and Jon Cardwell

Worked so hard to bring it to you

This thin tome that has it all, and I think you should, too

Buy da book, this is da one

Sure to rout those Calvinists, set them on da run

Silence all their faulty views

Once for all, that TULIP to subdue

Just go ahead, buy da book!

Read da book, it will report

Theologians of Remonstrans and Synod of Dordt

You'll be thrilled by every page

It's a parody fit for our age

Just go ahead, buy da book!

Buy da book! Logical arguments

To thwart Doctrines of Grace for all time, ever to circumvent

But you won't know what's inside

Til you find a merchant that's online, listen far and wide!

Buy da book!

To the tune of Night and Day by Cole Porter.  The video below is the original song as sung by the incredible Ella Fitzgerald.

Tulip meets Gene Kelly

A repost from Calvinist Cartoons.  

Insert faith

Inspiration comes at the strangest times.  My daughter had a piano recital yesterday.  Two students played a duet version of Climb Every Mountain from The Sound of Music.  Everyone knows the climactic line "Till you find your dream."  Unfortunately, dream rhymes with esteem which led me to think of self-esteem.

I had just listened John MacArthur's sermon on the true knowledge of God and how God is distorted by the purveyors of the health/wealth "gospel".  I had to concentrate on listening to the rest of the duet rather than making up lyrics in my head.  I did come home and write this little ode of advice from one prosperity preacher to another to the tune Climb Every Mountain.

To be successful

Follow this theme

Pander their desires

Feed their self esteem

Minimize doctrine

Don't talk of sin

Water down the gospel

That draws people in

The truth in the Word

They do not need to know

Just keep tickling their ears

And your book sales will grow!

God is the heav'nly

Vending machine

Just insert your faith and

He'll give you your dreams!

Mr. Spurgeon

I wanted to use this tune for a song on Limited Atonement, but it was too hard. However, here's a little tribute to Spurgeon. No disrespect is meant at all. I have the deepest appreciation for his many, many sermons.

So without further ado, Mr. Spurgeon to the tune Mr. Postman by the Marvelettes.

Oh yes, preach that sermon, Mister Spurgeon
(Preach)
Preach, Mister Spurgeon

Please Mister Spurgeon, look and see
(Oh yeah)
If there's a sermon from the Word for me
(Please, Please Mister Spurgeon)
I need some solid theology
(Oh yeah)
Because the truth is what will set us free

There must be some word today
To help me run this life long race
Please Mister Spurgeon, look and see
Is there a sermon, a sermon for me

I've been waitin', perseverin' Mister Spurgeon
Sooo, prayerfully
For just a thorough exegesis
Of truth and doctrine that I need to see

(Please, Mister Spurgeon)
Mister Spurgeon, look and see
(Oh yeah)
If there's a sermon from the Word for me
(Please, Please Mister Spurgeon)
That will lift up Jesus Christ
(Oh yeah)
So I can worship my dear Savior, divine.

So many years have passed in time
Since you delivered those many lines
God gifted you to be a great Bible teacher
And we're still calling you the Prince of Preachers

Please, Mister Spurgeon, look and see
If there's a sermon or verse from the Word for me
God knows I've been so blessed
Yes, because your sermons are still so fresh.

Why don't you preach it, brother. Preach it, brother
Oh why don't you preach it, brother
Please, please, Mr. Spurgeon
Please preach the Word
Let God's word be heard.

Why don't you preach it brother,
Preach it, brother
Preach it, brother
Preach it, brother
Preach it, brother
Please, Mister Spurgeon
Deliver the sermon, the sooner the better
Preach it, brother, Preach it, brother
Preach it, brother, Please, Mister Spurgeon
Preach it, brother, Preach it, brother