Climb up ego mountain

Inspired by this and this.

Climb, climb up ego mountain
You deserve the best;
Climb, climb up ego mountain
Trample what is less.
Turn, turn from God and Gospel,
Look to self alone,
Climb, climb up ego mountain
You're divine.

(To the tune "Climb, climb up sunshine mountain")

Don't show the teeth

This little song is inspired by this picture from The Sacred Sandwich to the tune Let's Go Fly a Kite from Mary Poppins.

Let's go fleece the flock
They'll swallow any shlock
Just make sure our canine teeth aren't showing

Then we'll clean out the till
After we've served our swill
So let's go fleece the flock!

Another T

Another T song. I couldn't resist because the song lent itself so well. Here's another Nat King Cole classic, Unforgettable, by Irving Gordon with new words about total depravity.

Totally depraved, that's what we are
Totally depraved in deed and heart
Like some filthy rags, foul and unclean
Is the value of our righteous deeds
Like Adam before, no one could be more

Totally depraved in every way
And forever more we would have stayed
That's why it is so incredible
That Christ gave His life impeccable
For one so totally depraved, too.

Here's the original song:

West Side Story Meets the Puritans

I was thinking about songs from West Side Story while coming up with a caption for this post. I began humming the song Maria by Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim and this is what I came up with.

John Owen
I just read a book by John Owen
And suddenly my sin will never be the same to me

John Owen
It's hard to read dudes like John Owen
But paperbacks abridged are helpful for the folks like me

John Owen
Take your time and digest it slowly
Feed your soul as your pride is made lowly

John Owen
The great theologian, John Owen

The best book on mortification I ever read
John Owen

No disrepect is meant. The Mortification of Sin is one of the books that changed my life. This just shows how strange my mind works.

Here is the original from the 1961 musical:

Give me an "I"

I know this isn't in order but this came to me sooner than the "L". This little song on Irresistible Grace is based on Embraceable You by George and Ira Gershwin.

You saved me, by irresistible grace
Your Spirit drew me to look on Your face

Once my heart was dead
A sinner vile, full of pride
But Your call awoke
me from the dead to new life

This conquering, amazing grace will perfect
This call will not fail to reach the elect

I can call You my Father
Undeserving and I know it's through
Your irresistible grace

For your listening pleasure, here is the incomparable Nat King Cole singing the original song:

No "L" yet

I am stumped on the "L". Not theologically, just lyrically.

Also, how can I write a song about Limited Atonement when Shai Linne has already written such a great one?

So, maybe I should write an "L" song coming from the opposite viewpoint of limited atonement.

I was toying with the idea of using Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" and changing it to "It's not fair", but then I realized how much I abhor the original lyics. However, I would be changing them.

Then there's Arethra Franklin's R-E-S-P-E-C-T changed to L-I-M-I-T-E-D. I think that would really stretch my lyric writing ability.

Stay tuned but don't hold your breath.

Give me a "U"

Here's a song about Unconditional Election. The tune is Tomorrow from the musical Annie. I don't know why I keep picking tunes from songs that I don't really like that much.

I'm thinking about election
There's no reason I could earn God's favor
if I tried

Just thinking about election
In my sin, I'd only chose the wrong thing
every time

I was destined for hell, dead in trespasses
Unconditionally, God, by grace, saved me

I marvel at God's election
I did not choose Him but He foreknew me
before time

Election, election
Predestined to know Him
It's only by grace alone

Give me a "T"

I thought I would come up with a song for each of the letters in TULIP so here's the one for total depravity. The tune is Hernando's Hideaway from the 1954 musical Pajama Game by Richard Adler
and Jerry Ross.

I know a dark, deceitful place
A heart hid by a smiling face
Stone cold with evil thoughts all day
For man is totally depraved, ole!

Every boy and girl on earth
Is tainted from the day of birth
The truth is that we're worse than dirt
For man is totally depraved, ole!

(music)
In our every thought and action telling what's within
(music)
They're not bad choices it's the fruit of all our sin
(music)
If you need proof just watch the news on the T.V.
But it's not out there, if you look with care
It's you and me!

No hope in us, no remedy
Backs turned to God rebelliously
Save for grace shown at Calvary
For man is totally depraved, ole!

Your Best Tune Now

My latest tune snatch is "On Broadway" by Barry Mann and Cynthia Wells in collaboration with Jerry Lieber and Mike Stoller. This was recorded by the Drifters and George Benson.

This was inspired by the posts on "Treasuring Christ in Catastrophic Situations" at Gospel Driven Disciples.

Your teeth are looking bright tonight, Joel Osteen
You're style and manner's sure to not offend
Your happy pep talks fill the seats
How God exists to meet my needs
But what will happen when life's at the end?

You say I should be treated fine, Joel Osteen
Because I now have God's own DNA
But what do you and I deserve?
God's righteous wrath we have incurred
What is your answer for that judgement day?

You've written two best selling books, Joel Osteen
They hold the secret to fulfill my dreams
But I'm not buying what you sell
Because the gospel you don't tell
No thanks, I'll read the Word instead, Joel Osteen

A Musical Tribute to the Baptist Potluck

This is a tribute to the institution of the Baptist potluck. I wasn't raised a Baptist but I am one now, and I must admit that we do have some very tasty covered dish meals. This tune snatch is set to Love Will Keep Us Together by Neil Sedaka and Howard Greenfield, popularized by Captain & Tenille. The 70's pop tune genre should be cast into outer darkness, in my opinion. My high school choir director combined this song with other 70's pop songs as part of a medley which we had to perform for the spring concert. Those memories are best forgotten which the brain does to protect itself. However, this tune came out of hiding and seemed a likely candidate for something silly. I do like the absurdity of combining this song with Baptist potlucks.

Food, food will bring us together
Have a potluck whenever
Any good old reason will do, when worship's through
It's a tradition for fellowship true
So have [have] some homemade fried chicken
Rolls [rolls], and greens with bacon
Since we are Baptists, it's food that brings us together

Bring, bring your jello salad
Casseroles are valid
Homemade pecan pies will abound, biscuits so round
Don't bother with your cholesterol count
So have [have] a glass of some sweet tea
Load [load] your plate with baked beans
If all else fails it's the food that brings us together, whatever

Go get in the line
Tables laden with food
Make sure you save some room
For desserts that are good

Oh yes, they are the best!

Oh well, there's too much not to try it
Give up on your diet
Even when the heart burn is strong, just one bite more
You'll have to wheel me right out of the door
Despite all the indigestion
Fellowship that's refreshing
Love those potlucks, 'cause it's food that brings us together

Musical Invitation from a Seeker-sensitive Mega Church

This song is set to the tune Seventy-six Trombones from the Music Man by Meredith Wilson. If you aren't familiar with the tune you can watch and listen to it here. This tune snatch was inspired by an invitation in the mail from a local seeker-sensitive church. This song is a bit of an exaggeration.

Seventy-six plush chairs in the coffee bar
And one thousand and ten fresh donuts to eat
We're so eager to make you feel very comfortable, at home
So sit back, and please put up your feet.

We will amuse your kids in their Sunday school
We have licensed a franchise of Chuckie Cheese
The teens can go off and play Christian video games
So you have your worship time in peace

So come this Sunday and we're sure you'll have a blast
And for free, you'll receive a gift card for some gas
Well appointed rest rooms and an ATM
Circuit gym and Internet

Sermons that are guaranteed to not offend
We just love, we will not ever talk of sin
We will twist the Bible just to meet your every need
So why don't you come on next Sunday, pretty please?

Forty-one sofas on which you can recline
You can carry a conversation with ease
After service, go get your lunch at the food court down the hall
Play some bowling after, if you please

Come as you are, we don't care how you are dressed
Don't bother to bring your Bible at all
At eleven o'clock we start but it isn't on the dot
See you Sunday and you'll have a ball!

Why this blog?

I have a strange hobby, if you want to call it that.

I like to take normal songs such as musical show tunes and rewrite the lyrics to something completely different. I think I like the mental challenge of rhyming and playing with the words. The other reason is that it's just fun.

For example, five years ago, I took a number of songs from The Sound of Music and My Fair Lady and rewrote the lyrics to tell the story of Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, specifically with the 1995 BBC version in mind. The songs morphed from How do you solve a problem like Maria to How do you solve a problem like Fitzwilliam. Thankfully, there were a number of folks who liked P&P as much as I did so they didn't think I was completely nuts.

Fast forward five years.

Thanks to the Lyrical Miracle contests at Calvinistic Cartoons, I have begun to do the same thing again only with theology in mind.

I don't know how often creativity will strike, but I will be posting my theological songs set to absconded tunes. I already have some ideas brewing in my head so stay tuned for more from Invasion of the Tune Snatchers.